Friday, June 11, 2010

a bit of a bummer beetle...

Today was a bit of a let down...

Waited for the neurosurgeon's office to call with the fabulous news that the lesions were only two and very small, but it never came. Instead the nurse called and said that the doc had looked at the MRI's and saw a few more lesions than he had anticipated, but she didn't know the exact count or size, so she said that the Gamma Knife might not be my best option, but maybe whole brain, so at least there's that. I suppose loosing a few extra brain cells at this point in my life is worth it, seems they've been spilling out at regular intervals already.

When I talked with Gusto about it today, I told him that my hair would probably come out and I might even loose my eyebrows, and he he said, Momma, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but seeing you with no hair is gonna be a little strange but we can handle it. Yes I told him, we're gonna handle it just fine, and I've decided that if my hair must go, I'm gonna lop it off myself and donate it to locks of love for someone else to enjoy. I have always wanted to do the short hair thing, but never had the courage to do it. Bout time I guess. And then there's also the fact that since hair usually re-grows back pretty fast I can experiment with a new hair color every couple of weeks. Maybe I'll paint black spirals on my blonde hair.

So this weekend, I think I'm gonna investigate more of the Blog thing, maybe start a drawing of Hop, and just relax.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, I am gonna be just fine!
Bon Courage!


  1. Is all this related to the previous cancer or is it a new and separate thing?

  2. It's all related to the Melanoma they found right after Hopper was born.

  3. that gus slays me- what a sweet, perceptive kid! comes by it naturally. thanks for keeping us in the loop and for inspiring us all with your positivity!

  4. Well, the news isn't the best, but it's not the worst either. Steve's Uncle Larry had brain cancer (prostate cancer metastasized into brain cancer) about 20 years ago now. He is not only still kicking, he's still very smart and running his company. I don't think he's even retired yet.... although he must be 70 years old.

    And you will look terrific in short hair or even with no hair! You have a beautiful head shape. You could go all Sinead O'Connor--even though I suppose she's a bit passé these days.

    Donating your hair to Locks of Love is a better than keeping it in a box. Steve, when he went through chemo, made me cut his very long hair and save it forever... in homage to lost "youth" I suppose. I still have the box of hair. Does hair have an expiration date? Maybe I can still donate it...

    Steve and I both love you, Danielle, and are winging good energy your way every day.

  5. Hi, Danielle, my mom had two cancers, breast and ovarian, and she went the whole route of chemo, radiation, surgery. What she told me was that you got to keep your hope up.

    Here's a poem I wrote about her:


    When she was seventy-eight years old
    And the angel of death called to her
    And told her the vaginal bleeding
    That had been starting and stopping
    Like a crazy menopausal period
    Was ovarian cancer, she said to him,
    “Listen Doctor, I don’t have to tell you
    Your job. If it’s cancer it’s cancer.
    If you got to cut it out, you got to.”
    After surgery, in the convalescent home
    Among the old men crying for their mothers,
    And the silent roommates waiting for death
    She called me over to see her wound,
    Stapled and stitched, fourteen raw inches
    From below her breasts to below her navel.
    And when I said, “Mom, I don’t want to see it,”
    She said, “Johnny, don't be such a baby.”

    Six months later, at the end of her chemo,
    My mother knows why the old men cry.
    A few wiry strands of hair on her head,
    Her hands so weak she can’t hold a cup,
    Her legs swollen and blotched with blue lesions,
    She says, “I’ll get better. After his chemo,
    Pauline’s second husband had ten more years.
    He was playing golf and breaking down doors
    When he died of a heart attack at ninety.”

    Then my mom’s eyes lock on mine, and she says,
    “You know, optimism is a crazy man’s mother.”

    And she laughs.

  6. Wow. I think the rest of us did, too. That last line hit home for a number of reasons, one one which is this: my brother is a crazy man, and I know his mother.

    Danielle: hair shmair.

    My very handsome dentist had cancer last year, and had a hard time with all of his hair falling out. His male colleagues all shaved their heads in empathy; the women all wore these fake "bald head" caps on the days he worked. I saw him last week, cancer free, and his hair had grown back with little wisps of gray. He's more handsomer than ever.


  7. Expect a care package in the next few days with more beauty-licious products... The hair looks deeevine, and we highly encourage extremist streaks!!! Much love and you all are always in our thoughts, MJD & HPD PS Many smooches to Moony