Saturday, July 3, 2010

OK so I'm thinking yesterday and the day before we're not so hot, but I'm hoping better for today!

So on Thursday, CHemo 1 day, felt fine until I about spontaneously combusted in the parking lot on the way to the car. No worries on that,, Momma took me back to West clinic yesterday, apparently it was the hydrocortisone cream, just washed it off when I got home and started taking benadryl, which also helps me rest better, so there's a win-win. Still have the rash, but I'll probably keep it until they ween me off the steroids.

Friday, I started noticing that i get really irritated with myself and even family. Had several big crying jags yesterday, which I'm not happy about, but can't seem to control, which irritates me, cause, I don't like crying at all, Maybe I'm just starting the roller coaster ride that is cancer, or maybe, it's time to up the happy pills, I don't know. I got to thinking about how I feel about my illness and how everyone else in the house feels about it too. I know in my heart that each and every one in this house is willing to sacrifice everything and anything for me to be comfortable, But I feel like an atom bomb that is sitting hit waiting to go off, I know they don't see me like that at all, but that's how I see myself. Everyone wants too help with everything, making dinner, cleaning, watching the kids, but in this process, they are trying to help me maintain too, so they are starting to trip over each other, not really in a bad way, but I seem to be acutely aware of all facial expressions and attitudes at this point. (Like I said,...time for more happy pills perhaps). SO I talked with Jeri, Momma, and Jamie, and after a few days, and I see how long my chemo after effects last, if they only last a couple of days, like the nurse said they would, I'm gonna move back into the upstairs guest room, It has everything I need, and a bathroom attached, a bg ol' bed and lots of space for my all my stuff. After all I am a guest in this house, and right now that word seems very important to me. OK, enough of that...

After the clininc yesterday Momma and I had a great lunch of seafood gumbo and a salad at Jason's Deli. I love that place! Then we went to Michael's to check prices on colored pencils, the set I want is the one with 132 pencils, but they want 229.00 for it, I've found one on ebay, for $70, I'm ordering it today. Michael's is such a joke of a store! Then we went to Sally's beauty supply and bought some stuff to make my own "fancy" fingernails. Kinda like my power up toenails, but I want to stripe my toenails this time and figure, since I'm "technically" an artist, I should be able to do it myself. And I want to do all my toes, not just the big ones! We also bought some file folders and such to help us organize hospital bills, insurance forms, drug forms, and general house bills, can't really say I'm looking forward to that, but it is what it is, better to be organized than not.

Jamie, Gus, and I went to Applebee's (Thanks Tyra!) and to see the Last Airbender. ( Spoiler Alert! ) I really love that story as a cartoon, but the movie was interesting, great effects, didn't see the 3D version, but it was a little slow moving, I had hoped for some sort of obvious finish, but it's been left open for another movie I guess.

Jamie said that he and Gus are gonna go down to Valdosta in the next week or so to pack up some stuff to bring up here. Gus really want's to go, because, I think he's missing his stuff. Being able to bring back his toys and his beloved trampoline, will probably make him feel better, cause I have also noticed that he's entering the "tween" moody stages, and I really don't want him to get lost in this shuffle. I might be sick, but I'm still his momma, and I told him, his Momma, can still whoop him if necessary. Not that he's that bad, but just in case he gets a little crazy!! So that also means, we've got to decide whether to rent or try to sell the Valdosta house. I fully plan on being back in Val-D sooner, rather than later, but to not have to worry about a house note while were doing treatment up here would be nice. Besides, I think when we do come back, we might try to buy or rent out towards Hahira anyway.

So plans for, paint me some striped toenails, shave my hair off, it's coming out in brush fulls, and I am reminding myself of our old German shepard Newton, who's hair would just fly off her back as she glided through the house, that used to drive me crazy! It's just a real mess, so it's gotta go. I told Jamie, maybe he can run to walmart and buy my a "Rocks, Flags, and Eagles Bandana to wear over to the Christenson's 4th celebration...just kidding...I'm not that goofy....yet!

Well that's all for mow, gonna nap, big day ahead.

Bon Courage!


  1. Personally, I think you might need to cry every now and then. It'll let out that pent up frustration! And you sound like you are having a great day today. Hope the weekend continues to be outstanding! Bon Courage to you and the whole family!

  2. A friend gave me the three mantras of trauma last year:
    1. BREATHE.
    2. THIS SUCKS.
    3. Tylenol PM!

    Well, I never got to no. 3 b/c I had to be on call for P at all hours, but it never failed to make me laugh. Sending all love & light - bon courage! Laura H-F

  3. Oh man--what a cool set of mantras. Helps us all realize we can't be strong all the time, dammit.

    Love you guys.

  4. Might take the boys to see The Last Airbender today--hope they don't find it slow-moving like you mention! (It's super hot in NYC right now so an indoor activity sounds good, although I should be thankful I don't feel like spontaneously combusting--that sounds HORRIBLE Dan!)

    I really wish I still had my redneck bandanas that I could send you--I think I got rid of them years ago though. But if I run across them, they're coming your way.

    Really hope to see you guys soon. Lots of love!

  5. Will has also entered some strange moody pre-teen phase. Feel the sympathy!!! Love to all!!!