Sunday, July 18, 2010

Today was a rough one...

I was on such a high from spending time with Jamie, that maybe I just emotionally over-did it, or I just needed more pain meds, Either way I woke up this morning, feeling CRAPPY, my legs huts so bad, more in my upper thighs. I slept most of the day, so there was little or no creative juices flowing like I had hoped. Breakfast and Lunch, were OK, but kind of a blur. I ended up getting an ultrasound of my legs to rule out blood clots. none, which is good. One less thing. Dr. Cash, sweet woman, told me she was gonna up my long acting morphine, to control pain, and because the decadron steroid has giving me the "sugar" for sure, so tomorrow the are gonna show me how to give myself insulin shots at home. And the want to wean me off the IV pain meds so I that will also help me get home. She really wants me outta here by Wednesday morning, to keep my set appointment with my original oncologist, that ironically I haven't seen in 3 weeks. Does't that sound strange. ANyway, I'm suppose to meet with him at 9am and then get my next round of chemo at 11am that day. SO I've now been in here 8 days, and frankly, I'm getting sick of being sick, especially in this hospital. Dr. Cash, did tell me to check to make sure my insurance would pay to have me at Baptist East, which is right by the West Clinic. That way if I had to go to the hospital, I would be ale to see Dr.Tian, because that's where he does rounds. SO tomorrow, I'm hoping to still feel better and resume "worker-bee" mode, and get some offical work and medical stuff under way.

Gonna try to do everything they want, so I can get the heck back to the house and see my family in person. I truly believe home is the best place to be!

Jamie is gonna take Gusto by the middle-school tomorrow to check it out, and maybe get him enrolled in band. I really want him to have some normalcy, so please keep him in your thoughts, I know how hard all this is for him. After all he's only 11 and my best friend. Being away from him him so much is probably the hardest part of my day. I can talk to Jamie on the phone, or text, and Hopper is so little and thankfully oblivious to all this. I know he misses me being there, but luckily, baby mode kicks in, and he he happily lives up to his "Hopper" name! But it's much harder with Gus. I want to spend time with him, so we can talk and I really want o know what he's thinking and feeling, bu I don't want him t be scared. I'm not scared, i'm sick, which sucks out loud, but I know I'm gonna be fine, eventually. But how do you explain that to an 11 year old, who sees his momma in a hospital bed for 8 days, loosing her hair and having to take all this medicine. That is the hardest part.

Anybody out there have any advice on that subject? I am going to check tomorrow with the West clinic, I'm thinking they have someone there to help me explain things to Gus and myself. Lets hope so, but I feel sure they do.

In the mean time, I also want you all yo know how much I enjoy reading your comments on this this blog and on face book, and email. I may not answer ever post or inquiry, but I appreciate each one!

Bon Courage!


  1. Ask West if there is a support group for Gusto to vent, hear and ask questions in. It might be good for him to hear/talk to folks his age so he does not feel like he is the only kid going through this. I love him so much.

  2. Hey Dan, this is a good way to "see" you until we can hug yor nekk next time we get to MS. I've been working on a piece of wood out in the shop so I keep seeing you in my mind workin on that galax project above the woodshop at U of M with that mask over your face.
    I feel Gusto will thrive @ Montessori and a support group IS a good idea for him too. Will look for photos of ya'll. I bet that pixie Pink cut looks beautimus on YOU. Love, Kathy

  3. My mother had breast cancer my first year in college... when I was in your class, actually! I was scared to death because she was 4 hours away, and I was stuck at school... but seeing how STRONG and POSITIVE she stayed really gave me strength... I learned so much through that experience, and it has inspired me to always keep my head up, push foward, and appreciate every single day :-) I know you are a wonderful inspiration to your children (and all of us @ VSU!!) We love yoU!

  4. Oh yea... during that time, I worked on an altered book/journal/sketch book that I recorded quotes, drawings, positive phrases, pics of me and mom and our family, and things that we had to be grateful for. It really helped me out when I would get scared and discouraged. I gave it to her when she went into remission, and she always keeps it with her :-) Maybe Gus could get into a project like that?

  5. Of course you miss your family and what you said about Gus needing to get it out what he's thinking is so right. Maybe when you are home again, Dan, get out some printer paper, crayons, etc. etc. and prompt him with a question or two about what he's been up to. THEN ask him for the next drawing, how he's feeling - maybe he could draw that too?
    I hope you'll find a comfort zone with your meds and get into your comfort of home soon.
    Love you!

  6. Have you considered a camera you can hook to your computer at the hospital and another one for the computer at home? I use to use that set up when I was traveling so much so Genna and I could keep in touch?